Book: “Cherish Your Child” – Peace Talks

Ilana Fernandez, Psy. D. is mother of NINE children: seven step-children and two biological!   She has experience raising children, “the best training of all.”   Plus she earned a Doctorate of Psychology, practices psychotherapy, gives parenting classes and workshops, and trains other professions.     Dr. Fernandez has written the best parenting book I have ever read.   IF KIDS CAME WITH INSTRUCTIONS STEP #1 WOULD BE CHERISH YOUR CHILD EACH DAY IN SOME WAY has many practical and inspiring guidelines.

cherish-book

One of my favorite ideas is “Peace Talks.”

Ilana notes, “One of the more effective techniques I learned about helping children learn how to solve their own problems in a non-violent way was from a tape that my mom sent me from Canada by a parent educator named Barbara Calarosa. . . . I’ve come to call it peace talks.  It is worth explaining to children that it is very much like what our world leaders do when they come together to solve their conflicts with one another.

Peace Talks

  • Siblings or fighting peers sit in chairs facing one another just out of kicking or reaching range. [Ilana’s experience with children shines through here].
  • The main rule is neither person can get up from the chair until the other person says they can.  This forces them to reach a consensus that they have at least made peace for the time being, if not an agreement.
face-falls-off

Peace Talk

  • Usually one person is especially mad and they swear they aren’t going to let the other person up.  Comments like “you can sit there until your face falls off for all I care” are common.  The hitch is they can’t get up either until they let the person up.  This leads, invariably, to a discussion of what the real problem is beneath the anger.
  • They learn to communicate and problem solve and they are forced to listen and be heard by the other person.  . . .

Hash it out until each is ready to let the other person up.  You can at least model respectful language and talking from the heart” (129-131).

appreciate-3

You can find out more about Dr. Ilana Fernandez at https://www.mauimetamorphosis.com/

Aloha – in peace & light, Renée

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About reneeriley

Our blog was begun as a way to share our experiences in China. From August 2010 to July 2011, my husband, Barry Kristel, and I were at our University of Hawaii Maui College sister school, Zhejiang Agriculture and Forestry University in Lin'an, China, a city considered rural because it has only 500,000 people! We had a wonderful time. Then in February 2012, we returned to teach this time at our other sister school, Shanghai Normal University, in a city of over 21 million people. We've made many discoveries. Did you know that now Chinese girls, at least the ones who go to university, for the most part feel they are luckier than the Chinese boys? Did you know that Shanghai saved over 20,000 European Jews during WWII? Do you know how Chinese university students would deal with problems that come up in Dear Abby letters? What's it like to be on the Great Wall of China? Do you know how many Chinese girls had their feet bound and why? And we have recipes from many of the places we've visited. Among others, you can find instructions on how to fry cicadas from one of my ZAFU students and how to make chocolate-Kahlua waffles from my brother Mike in Gainesville. You can also look back to our earliest entry to see what we experienced in Oaxaca, Mexico, in 2006 during the mainly peaceful six months of protest until the Mexican government sent in the troops. Between our stays in China, Barry and I have been on the Mainland U.S. visiting family, friends and Servas hosts as we traveled home to Maui. We share those experiences too. Welcome to our blog! Aloha and Zài Jiàn, Renée and Barry

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